Ep. 184 - Standards That Stick : What Happens When You Hold the Line

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Show Notes:

If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re being “too strict” by holding athletes to a standard, we’re here to tell you that unclear expectations create more stress than firm ones. We talk about how to set standards in a competitive program without losing the human side, and why enforcing expectations is one of the most important life lessons sports can teach. When coaches dodge hard calls to protect feelings, kids still learn a lesson, just not the one we want.

We unpack two sides of the same coin: performance standards and behavior standards. From skill requirements and level of play to work ethic, respect, and team culture, we share practical ways to define what “ready” looks like. This means getting expectations out of your head and onto paper, then communicating them early and often. We explain how progress check-ins throughout the season, plus optional parent meetings, can reduce confusion around readiness, roles, and move-ups.

Finally, we cover why a united coaching front matters for athlete development and program culture, and how to get buy-in by giving your staff a real voice in the standards. If you coach youth sports or lead any competitive program, this framework keeps expectations consistent and growth-focused. Subscribe and share this with a coach who needs it.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Welcome back to Learning to Thrive. I'm Courtney. And I am Michaela, and this month we are talking about our competitive programs and uh just kind of all different facets of them, right? For the good, the bad, the money, the life lessons through sport. Yeah. A little bit of everything. They have multiple elements. Right. Makes it interesting. Right. Today we are talking s specifically about setting and sticking to standards and expectations within your competitive program. Yes. So this kind of has two parts. And it's funny, right before we started recording, I was like, we're talking about both of these, right, Courtney? And she was like, Yeah. So this can go for the skills or level of play, depending on what you know, sports industry you're in. And also for behavior of your athletes as well. So in gymnastics, it's quote unquote easy in the sense that each level has skills that you compete. So setting your standard expectation of what an athlete is competing at each level, it's you can put a name to each skill. They need this on bars, they need this on beam. In other sports, maybe it's a little bit more technique driven or like level of play driven. So it might not be quite as easy to put like a specific names to things, but how we go about setting those standards and those expectations is somewhat universal. And our message here today is like set them.

unknown 1:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:32

And then stick to them. Yeah. I think I think people doubt themselves when they're like, should should we have standards? Should we have expectations? What should they be? And should we enforce them? Like I feel like because a lot of the sports world is relationships, right? A lot of in time is invested and these are kids, right? There is an emotional piece of this. There is a, is this child going to be okay piece of this? This there is a, I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings piece of this. And I think the thing about it is using expectations and accountability is teaching life lessons, right? And so doubting ourselves when we do that, or or letting a kid around an expectation is also teaching a life lesson. Right. And so being bold enough to set standards, stick to them even if they're unpopular, or set accountability measures and hold to them even if some people are upset. As long as you have number one been clear, right? Clear as kind. Yeah. Then I feel like you are doing a service to the community when you set a standard and hold to it. Because you can set any standard you want. Right. There is there is competitive teams, you know, in in sports that go from A to Z. You can sign your kid up for a tournament where all the Z players play. And the expectation is come out here, let's have fun. Nobody needs to work on the on their days off.

unknown 3:04

Right.

SPEAKER_01 3:04

And then you might have an A where it's like, no, you need to be doing, you know, 20 minutes of fundamentals every single day in order to stay on this team. The freedom is for the athlete and the family to pick the team that works best for them. Your your responsibility as a leader in a program or, you know, a coach is to hold the standard and also make sure that they're held accountable so that they understand when they're meeting the expectation and when they're not meeting the expectation. And clear is kind in that because you need to have that on paper and not in your head. Right.

unknown 3:36

Right.

SPEAKER_01 3:36

And you need to communicate it. See, see the earlier episodes this month of like make sure that's not just living in your brain.

SPEAKER_00 3:45

Right. Yeah. So an example of how we do this at Thrive. Yeah. We

Progress Check-Ins

SPEAKER_00 3:50

do progress check-ins for our competitive athletes every, I think they get four a season. Beginning of the season before competition starts, letting them know if they're on track to be ready to compete at that level. Um, and then two kind of midway and then towards the end of the season, and then one after states that's kind of looking ahead to the next season. So that's the continuous communication piece. They're getting four of these throughout at every single one. They always have the opportunity to schedule a parent meeting if they are unsure or unclear about anything that's on those evals. And then the clear is kind piece of it is we have the expectations of what they need to compete at that level. And something that we do is we also have what they need for the next season in order to be able to move up to the next level. Those are also on the same progression that they get from the beginning of the year. Yes. So there is, in theory, in theory, no confusion about what, well, why aren't they moving up to the next level? In theory, it's all written out on paper. They need X, Y, and Z, and they don't have Y or Z. They only have X. Yeah. And it's color-coded, I think, too.

SPEAKER_01 5:03

Like it is. You must have this. And we can work, and we can work with you if you've kind of got this. Like, so it's a very, it's not a rigid. And also, you know, the email that goes with that is at, you know, we're constantly evaluating at any time where they gain these things, you know, like what like it's not a this is locked in for life. There is a lot of wiggle room, and there is very clear expectations about what needs to be, what skills need to be met. Sure. Yeah. And I think there's also a strength component to that as well.

SPEAKER_00 5:35

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So that's just one example, you know, of what we do. But also, in addition to that, going back to the clears kind, um, that's from a skill standpoint, from a behavior standpoint, that goes back to our team culture, which we did a whole episode on, which you can go back and listen to. But basically, you're setting that expectation of culture, behavior, um, work ethic, all of those sort of things early on in the season. And then it is not a one-and-done conversation. It is, it is a living, breathing thing. It is something that is discussed throughout the entirety of the season. Um, so yeah, clear as kind and continuous communication for both your skills.

SPEAKER_01 6:15

In on paper.

SPEAKER_00 6:16

On paper. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

On paper. Get it out of your head, get it out of the conversation ethers. Make sure they're getting it on paper. And those kids that are struggling, have the meetings early, right? Make sure that you're not leaving anybody behind in the dark.

SPEAKER_00 6:31

Yes, that is part of where some accountability comes in. Having those conversations. Sometimes an athlete might need a specific tool. You know, each kid needs something a little bit different from the other. Sometimes you have to create or come up with an accountability tool so that they can see on paper or in person what if if they are what they are doing to meet those expectations. Um, I'm thinking, you know, for example, we're in the gymnastics world, so you need a new skill and balance beam. Let's track it. Let's write down how many you're doing every single practice. That's helping you work towards your goal, and it's also holding you accountable because you're a little bit scared. And sometimes you like to avoid a particular skill or a particular station because it's a little scary, which is fine, which is normal, but we can't be doing that if the goal is to get the skill or the goal is to continue to progress. So sometimes we need an accountability measure thrown in there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:34

With helpful tip tips and tools. Right. So not go figure it out yourself. It's like this is not working. Right. You are coming up against a deadline and we are still not meeting expectations. Let's go. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:48

And then finally, I would say making

Making Sure Your Coaching Team is on the Same Page

SPEAKER_00 7:50

sure your coaching team is all on the same page about those same expectations for skills and behavior. If you have a united coaching front, then you know you don't run into a situation where, well, I can do this in this practice, but I can't do that with this other coach. The everything is the same. If you have a new coach sub-in for you for a day or two or a week, the level, the standards are maintained.

SPEAKER_01 8:17

Yeah. And I think that's a conversation. You need to, you need to have a meeting if you've not had a meeting with your entire coaching team. And we've had, we've been working on this for three years now, two and a half, three years now. You have to get everybody's voice at the table. Because if you don't take it into account everybody's voice, then you're going to have people that dissent without having had say in it. And then they will go ahead and and work from the back end. So make sure that you're, again, back to communication, continuous communication, clear as kind, accountability. Make sure that your coaches are communicating often, you're communicating with them often, checking in and making sure everybody's still on the same page, tweaking whatever doesn't work, but making sure that everybody like we are, yes, we are all contributing to this, and we're also all auditing this. We're all having move-up conversations together, the people that are involved in, you know, from the this level to this level, we're all saying, does this still matter to us once a year? We're all looking at the culture of the program and that kind of thing. Because if your coaching team does not have a say in it and you're dictating it, I think you have less of a chance of it being an actual reality. Because they're gonna, they're gonna naturally, maybe even unconsciously, work against you. So all right, that was quick, but clear. So in setting standards and expectations, don't feel like you can't. That there are you can set whatever standards you want. You can be in whatever level of competition you want, but make sure that it's clear. Make sure communication is continuous, make sure there's accountability built in, along with a lot of love and help and tools. And then make sure that the people that are leading it on the ground in the trenches are on the same page and that they get a voice because they need to be able to get feedback and have changes made based on what they're seeing, and also they all need to be on the same page. So that's our two cents on that.

unknown 10:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:13

Yeah. Keep on thriving.