Ep. 183 - Coaching Beyond The Scoreboard : How to Make Sure Your Athletes Take Lasting Lessons With Them

Episode Links:

FREE Competitive Programming Profit & Loss Template

—

Subscribe to our newsletter

—

Check out our blog

—

Show Notes:

What do your athletes walk out with when the sport ends: a medal story, or a stronger identity? In this episode of Learning to Thrive, we’re digging into what it really means to coach the whole person so kids don’t confuse performance with worth.

We break down how to turn everyday training into real life skills like goal setting, time management, confidence, and resilience. We talk about why sports are a “training ground for disappointment” and how coaches can connect the dots so athletes see the crossover into school, public speaking, friendships, and hard days at home. We also share a simple but powerful habit: call it as you see it. When a kid falls, gets scared, and tries again, naming that courage in the moment helps build an inner voice they can use for the rest of their lives.

Then we get practical about one of our favorite topics: teaching athletes to advocate for themselves. We explain how to coach kids through speaking up about fear, stress, pain, and mental blocks, and why the adult’s emotional regulation sets the tone for a safe, growth focused sports program. Finally, we zoom out to the parent-coach-athlete relationship and how getting aligned around “best for the child as a person” creates better outcomes and long term impact for everyone.

If you care about positive coaching, youth athlete development, and building life lessons through sport, press play.

—

Show Links:

Be sure to include your phone number or email so we can respond to your message!

Reach us at: contactlearningtothrive@gmail.com
Find more Learning to Thrive: thrivegym.mykajabi.com

Find Us on Instagram
Find Us on Facebook
Find Us on Tik Tok

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Welcome back to Learning to Thrive. I'm Courtney.

SPEAKER_00 0:07

And I'm Michaela.

SPEAKER_01 0:08

And today we are talking about athletes as a whole person.

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Yes. And how to make sure that the kids that you are training take the lessons that they're learning in your facility with them throughout the rest of their life.

SPEAKER_01 0:20

Yeah. This is the goal. We're not raising gymnasts, we're raising humans.

SPEAKER_02 0:24

Good.

SPEAKER_01 0:25

And that goes for any whatever sport you're in, right? They're going to put that stick down. They're going to, you know, take that, you know, swim cap off at some point. They're going to put the Leo Tard on one last time at some point. And so then after that is over, what is it that's left? Like what do you want your lasting legacy to be for them? And what do you want them walking out of your doors with when they don't, they're not there every week.

SPEAKER_00 0:50

Right. Because I think for so many kids, especially if you're working with like high-level athletes, their sport for many kids kind of becomes their identity. Yeah. It's for sure. It's everything they do, it's everything they think about. They live, eat, breathe, you know, their sport. So when the time comes that they step aside from that sport, moving on in life or, you know, in injury, whatever the case may be, how do we, like you said, make sure that they've taken something with them that's gonna carry them through the rest of their lives? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:28

Which is the whole point of coaching, right? Which is the whole point of having a program, a sports program, is should be should be the whole point. Good point. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:37

For some people, I'm sure it's a second or third, you know, on the list.

SPEAKER_01 1:42

Good point. Good point. Yes. Yeah, that's what we are going for.

SPEAKER_00 1:44

We are we are hopefully speaking with people who have the same ideologies.

SPEAKER_01 1:48

I believe this community, yeah. I believe this community is is aligned in that value. And also to your point, there, yes, there are some win at all costs uh programs out there as well, and to each their own. Sure.

SPEAKER_00 2:02

But not for us. So let's

Apply Lessons Learned in the Gym to Life Outside the Gym

SPEAKER_00 2:05

uh let's get into it. So first thing is you're teaching them these life lessons, right? That's our whole thing. Life lessons through sport. It's our one of our core values, it's on our shirts, we live, eat, breathe it. Okay. We try and apply the lessons in the gym to things outside of the gym. So if you know, we're working on goal setting for their sport, even just a quick, you know, oh, and if you have something outside the gym that you're working on, or you have, you know, a big project you want to do in school or an extracurricular, you know, this goal setting can apply. We can use the same, you know, method for something outside of the sport. Or even things like time management that you need in the gym can apply outside. So basically just kind of drawing the connection for your athletes that what they're doing in the gym actually does apply to real life.

SPEAKER_01 3:03

And I'd say for the parents to real life. Yeah. Making sure that they see the connection there because especially in in sport, you're you're learning to handle disappointment oftentimes, right? Like in so many levels of disappointment. I disappointment, I didn't get that skill. Disappointment, I didn't get put in the game. Disappointment, you know, I didn't move up to the next level. Like, so it's a good training ground for disappointment. It's a good training ground for confidence building. When you're succeeding in your sport, you're often succeeding in the classroom as well. So it it has a lot of crossover. And I think letting the kids know and the parents know that you care about the outside of the sport life just as much as you care about the in the sport life, and you're asking questions and you're, you know, you're connecting those dots for them and you're remembering, oh, they had that AP test this week. How did that go? You know, like even when they're coming in for warmups, or, oh, yeah, you told me you, you know, you had a lot of homework or your dance show last week or whatever, making sure that we are checking in on those kind of things and also connecting the dots for them to say, well, if you, you know, if you can go out and do a floor routine in front of people that are judging you and looking for your mistakes, you certainly can go get give that public speaking, you know, thing on you know, why to save the pandas. Like you totally are qualified for that. Like, think about all the hard things you do in here. You know, you can definitely do that, no problem. So when we do that, they light up, I've noticed. Because we we in the beginning of our strength training, we always do wins.

SPEAKER_00 4:31

Mental training.

SPEAKER_01 4:32

Oh yeah, mental training. Mental strength, mental strength training. Yeah, there you go. Um, we always do our wins, and and a lot of times they'll be like, does this have to be gymnastics related? And I'm like, no, never has to be, you know, just like the goals, never has to be just gymnastics related. What else is going well? And the straight A's come out, and the, you know, I gotta, I move my math grade from a D to a B. Like we care about that stuff too, and sports does integrate with that. And so I like to, I like to see that and let them know

Highlight it When You See It

SPEAKER_01 5:00

that, you know, that matters.

SPEAKER_00 5:03

Yeah. Yeah. Another great way that you can do this, that you can kind of practice it, um, is to call it as you see it in the gym. So, for example, right, kid, let's take balance beam. Let's take gymnastics and balance beam. They take a fall on the beam physically, they're fine, but it's a little scary. And they spend the rest of their beam time that day working through the fear to be able to get up and go again. At the end of your beam rotation, if you pull that kid aside, you say, Hey, I saw that that was scary. Like I saw the fall, made sure you were okay. That's great. I saw you spend the rest of your time working through it. I I think that's so great. I think that's so cool that you were able to work through a fear to go at something again even after you had a fall or had a fail. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:54

It makes all the difference.

SPEAKER_00 5:56

Pointing it out in the moment as it's happening, huge.

SPEAKER_01 6:00

Huge.

SPEAKER_00 6:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:02

Another one, I and we see this a lot, and I think this would apply to every sport, right? If you have an injured athlete, you can eat and pulling that kid aside and saying, listen, here's the I understand that you are upset. The amount of times that we have kids come in here, let's say they got hurt in gym class. They didn't even get hurt doing their sport. Yeah. You know, or playing with their friends over the weekend.

unknown 6:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:25

And they come in and they are mad. They are so mad because now they can't train. That's how they view it. It's gonna say it's gonna put me behind. I'm gonna be so far behind everyone else. Yeah. It's like, okay, well, you could you might be. You can either use this time that you're injured to either do nothing and let it fully be a setback, or you can use this time to try and propel you forward, to come back stronger, to come back more mentally clear on what it is that you want, to come back with very clear, defined goals and be ready to attack it when you're ready to. And that sort of idea can apply to anything, you know, outside of life. You fail, you gotta get back up, you gotta try again. Yeah. And what are you gonna do in that kind of middle time, that kind of slumped time?

SPEAKER_01 7:19

It becomes their inner dialogue and it becomes how they then view life. So if you can be doing that for that kid, you're pointing out, hey, I noticed that you worked through that fear, and that was really good, right? I know you can, you know, you give them a pep talk and you're like, you can come back. That becomes the what they believe, right? And so it gets coded in their brain, and and the younger they are, the easier this is to code, right? Because then when they're when they're in the school, they're taking a test or they're at home or whatever, they're noticing how they're trying hard. They're that they're like, well, if if she's noticing that, then it's okay for me to, if it's okay for her to acknowledge that, then I can acknowledge that about me. And they're giving themselves credit in their head when they struggle on something, let's say a math problem, and then they get it wrong with and they go back and do it again. Like, oh, Coach Michaela would really think that that was cool, right? And so they they gain the confidence and they gain the internal voice of like, I'm going to make a mistake and try again, or I'm gonna work, I am a person who worked through fear because of what you did. And I'm gonna take the you know, lemons and turn it into lemonade, that that goes, that's gonna become their inner mantra, and that's who they believe themselves to be. So going back to the identity thing, your sport is your identity, right? When you're a kid, I feel like. And also by the coach of that sport pointing out often that you're actually a person who's learning really cool life things in in here, you're also not married to that identity. Because that identity can then transfer to the school, to the next sport, to you know, whatever you want it to be. So that is that's a high-level coaching skill. So props to you for being able to do that like in the moment. That takes a lot of self-awareness and that takes a lot of focus on what what the values are and what you want to be promoting in your kids. And so, to all those people that are trying to do that, or who anybody who's listening who's like, I have failed at that. Yeah. And try again, right? Catch it once, mess it up three times, then catch it twice, mess it up twice. You know, like don't beat yourself up over it, but also find catch your kids doing it right. And parents, catch your kids doing it right. Point out where they were brave. Who doesn't love to hear how they were brave? I love to hear how I'm brave. They definitely do. And then it becomes, it becomes their talk. And and my daughter is in gymnastics, and she comes home all the time with stuff that her her coach is Coach Leah. And whatever Coach Leah says, and she's only seven, so like she's still you still got some molding in there. And the things that her coach is putting in her head have popped up at school, have popped up when we're you know doing something hard at home. I can do this, I'm brave, I'm this, I'm that. And it's like, thank the Lord. That is worth every ounce of energy, time, money, like that that is going into the sport because she's learning lessons that are so priceless. And that thanks to good coaching. Right. Yeah. All right, the next two. Oh, this

Teaching Athletes How to Advocate for Themselves

SPEAKER_01 10:26

is this is my fave.

SPEAKER_00 10:27

Yeah, these are good, they're not quite as like fluffy, woo-woo-ey, or they're not. No, no, we can't be all fluff. No, life isn't all fluff. This is like, okay, things are now hard, right? So, one thing that we think is huge, and this you said your favorite, is teaching athletes how to advocate for themselves early on. So, this is you know, something's going on with the athlete, they've got a mental block, they've got some fear, they are injured or something is hurting, or they're really stressed out outside of the gym. Helping them learn how the skill, the life skill of being able to advocate for yourself, being able to go to your coach and say, Hey, I got X, Y, and Z going on. Yeah. Is so huge. Right. And sometimes you really have they've never done it before. Yeah. So sometimes you really have to hold that athlete's hand and teach them how to do it. I can't tell you the amount of times I've had an athlete who I basically have to sit them down at some point and be like, here's the deal. I need you to speak up. I want you to speak up. When something is wrong for any reason, step one is come talk to me about it. But I I I don't want to see you sad across the gym and have to guess what's wrong. I will come up to you and ask you what's wrong, but I want you to practice coming to me and telling me what's wrong before I even have the chance to come to you. I want you to speak up. I want you to use your voice. Some kids that comes very easily to them, right? They will tell you everything.

SPEAKER_01 12:17

And that, and sometimes in that case, you're teaching them how to address tone, right? To how to clearly make your statement, right? How to do it at a time that's respectful or to do it at a time where the other person can hear. Yes. These athletes, yes, you you being the being the coach and and having in the program itself empowering athletes, and I know every program goes if you to the parents, if your athlete has a problem, tell them to go talk to the coach, it's their responsibility. And it falls short in the sense of the coaches need to be able to look at that as the lesson that it is, and know that that lesson, their response to it, how they give feedback and how they receive it is going to have lifelong implications for that child. And the enormity of that responsibility and the awareness of that responsibility to say, this is more than just sports. We're teaching kids how to advocate for themselves. So I, as a coach, am going to stay emotionally regulated. No matter what this child says, no matter what tone they use, right? I'm gonna stay emotionally regulated. I'm going to really think through what comes out of my mouth before I say it, and I'm not going to react, you know, whatever. I am going to look for ways to coach this child through this situation, like you're saying, you know, I need you to speak up, or I need you to wait till, you know, the end of practice and then we can have this conversation. Like whatever that happens to be. Allowing the athlete to go through that experience in your gym is so powerful because it's a safe space, assuming you are on board to teach this lesson. It's a safe space. You can control, control how the back and forth goes, and you can also then talk it over with them afterwards, which then imprints in them a method for advocating for themselves and also an emotional relationship of like, I was safe, I was okay, like that advocating is okay. And I think that is so powerful. And the littler the athlete is, the more I say let them go advocate. Because if they're usually at that age, it's for silly small things like band-aids or why they're missing practice or what they're scared of. And if you can build that relationship between the coaches and the, you know, in and teach them that, then as they get older, when it's bigger things like being bullied or fear or not fitting in or stuff like that, then then they're already gonna have those tools. So starting early often, and for the parents, taking them, you can go with them if they need it, like especially the young, young ones, but zip your lips. Yeah, let them speak and trust the coach to be able to facilitate that, let that be their moment. And coaches, if you've got little eyes coming towards you or teenage eye, teenage daggers coming towards you, whatever, remember you're in a pivotal role to influence their communication style for basically the rest of their lives. Yeah, no pressure. Yeah. But it's a huge, huge privilege.

SPEAKER_00 15:19

Right. And that is part of why going back to what you just said about like, you know, parents, like be involved if you need to. It's so important then that you also have your parent, coach, and athlete relationship. That dynamic needs to be a united front. Yeah. Ultimately, you guys all want the same thing for the kid, and that's for the kid to be successful and happy.

SPEAKER_01 15:42

I don't want the kids to be happy. I want them to be, I want them to be their definition of success, and I want them to be don't want them to be miserable. No, but I don't really I I feel like happy is like a fleeting thing. I feel like there's a better word. Like I want them to be cared for, maybe, or content, or like, you know, you don't have to like it every day here. Sure. That's true. Yeah. Okay. Cared for. I would say you want them to be cared for and successful. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:15

If that's what everyone wants, then making sure, you know, I think sometimes you have to say that out loud. You know, ultimately, hey, we are all here for the same reason. Yeah. So what can we do to, you know, help this athlete or um Yeah. Yeah. What what is truly going to be the best decision for this athlete?

SPEAKER_01 16:40

Yeah. And I think as a program, like if you're leading a program or you're the coach, reminding the parent that you guys are on the same side. Because I think there is such an emotional tie between parents and kids. And if I see that my kid is struggling or I see my kid is upset, and I feel like I like I need to fix it, right? And so, so in that emotional kind of tornado, that emotional swirl, I don't know that the parent is always thinking with their best thoughts, right? And pull and grounding them and saying, hey, you and I, we we want we want the best for this gymnast, whatever, or this, this lacrosse player, this, you know, tennis player. We want the best for them, whatever that looks like. So from the get-go, let's let's agree on that. No matter how what the outcome of this is, you know, whatever you're talking about. And it's the best for them as a person. As a person.

SPEAKER_00 17:31

Not the best for them as the athlete.

SPEAKER_01 17:33

Yeah. As a person. And sometimes the parent wants it for the athlete more than they want for the person. So then that that creates an awareness of like, you know, good check for the parent to be like, do am I wanting this for this, them as a person or as an athlete? And then you're coming from the same side. And you just need two people in that triangle to believe it, right? So it can either be the coach and the athlete or the parent and the athlete. Like, you need it, and then the two of you work, you know, together to get the other one on board. But like being able to agree that we are all on the same page, although we may not agree on all of the facts or all of the components, or you might think that the culture we put in place or the procedure we put in place is terrible. We can we can disagree on that, but let's make sure that we all agree. We want the best for this child as a child. And that is that is the grounds from which we are having all the conversations. Yeah. I think it's fun. It's complicated, it's got multiple layers, but having an athlete as a whole person come into your facility or into your program, you get to make such a bigger impact than just having them come in as a person who does a sport.

SPEAKER_00 18:44

It's so much more rewarding.

SPEAKER_01 18:45

Yeah. And the relationship building.

SPEAKER_00 18:47

Yeah. And those are the those are the kids that you're gonna go on and even it when after they stop the sport, you're gonna continue to hear about them, you know, or check in on them, or they're gonna check in on you, you know, for years and years and years to come because you know you've you've truly made that positive impact and you've helped to shape them as a whole person, not just as the athlete.

unknown 19:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:10

If you're looking at it from just the athlete, then once they're done with the sport, all right, that's it. Whatever, bye.

SPEAKER_01 19:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:14

That's that's not no, that's not what we're trying to do.

SPEAKER_01 19:18

No. So, and I would say from a business perspective, and this is just a side note, when you invest in the athlete as a whole person and you really do the things that we're talking about here, they do come back to you after the sport is over in multiple ways. They come back and bring their kids if you last, you know, like if you're able to build something that lasts that long. They might come back to work in your facility because they recognize how much that impacted them and they also want to make that impact. And at the very least, they're going out and they're advocates for you, right? So, like there, there is there is an ROI on that. More so than just being able to say, gosh, I helped this kid to figure out how to advocate for themselves, for their life. Right. That's a pretty big ROI, but but there is also a business ROI on it. And making sure that you're the advocate for them and helping the parent to navigate it because parents they don't always have experience with a bunch of kids. They have their kids. So your insight and your perspective can sometimes help ground them and help them to see things that maybe the emotions of the situation were clouding to. So making sure that the whole person is who you're concerned about and that they've mattered just as much as a student and a sister and a daughter or a son, you know, as they do a gymnast. Um really goes a long way.

SPEAKER_00 20:44

Yeah, it does.

SPEAKER_01 20:45

Yeah. All right, everyone. Continue changing the world. One lesson, one connection, one sticky situation at a time, right? Help them navigate it and keep on thriving.